


Phantom Pain

by Lilly0



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Music, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 12:24:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9234863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilly0/pseuds/Lilly0
Summary: Is it hate or love? To push their careers popular scandalous rapper Sho and established model & actor Jun are asked by their managers to play a couple. Sho agrees to the plan, just because… well… he isn’t quite sure why – maybe because he feels weirdly drawn to Jun. The problem is that although he has never done anything to Jun, Jun seems to have a weird grudge against him.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [akhikaru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/akhikaru/gifts).



> Warnings:It’s not in detail (!), but the story touches upon some sensitive topics (such as self-harm and rape). So it might be triggering. (NO Arashi member or JE member as an antagonist. And as I said, nothing in detail! It all lies in the past) – and it’s really not as dark as this warning makes it sound XD I think it’s rather fluffy ;-)
> 
>  
> 
> Written for fishing-mj exchange for akhikaru

Sho eyes the two men in front of him in pure disbelief. He is supposed to do… WHAT!? He can’t quite grasp it, hence he asks again. “What!?”

“You have asked that once already,” Ninomiya, his manager and friend, rolls his eyes. “Listen, Sho-san, Matsumoto is basically the IT-thing right now. His face is on every fashion magazine. And we want to push your singing career on a new level, right? Away from the little stages and more towards bigger or even international halls?”

Sho nods tentatively. 

“Just like Matsumoto wants to have a bigger acting career.” Nino grins. “Pretending that two of the most famous young men the entertainment business has to offer right now are together will boost your media presence and your popularity!” 

“And Matsumoto-san is okay with it?” Sho wants to know, frowning slightly. All he knows is that Matsumoto holds this weird grudge against him. Completely unnecessary, as Sho has never done anything to him. He even remembers him from their High School days, when Jun was still this cute and smiley teenager, nothing like the grumpy guy he is now at least towards Sho. Everyone else swears he is one of the nicest guys ever. “I can’t believe he is.”

Nino grins, and throws a glance at Matsumoto’s manager. “Let that be my problem,” the man – his name is Ohno – just says calmly. “For now I need to know if you agree or not. Then I’ll talk to Jun.”

“But.” Sho lets out an exasperated sigh. There are so many things against it that he doesn’t even know where to start. First and foremost, Matsumoto doesn’t like him much. They are part of the same agency, yes, but he HATES him! “Matsumoto despises me out of no valid reason,” Sho finally says. “He is a super-annoying diva, and-“

“He is also in the other room and might hear you,” Ohno interrupts him calmly. 

Sho bites his tongue. Oh, please no. He has enough problems already with having overlapping TV appearances with Matsumoto, without having a direct confrontation with him. If he heard that now, he would most likely be even more pissed at him. 

“But every good relationship needs some drama,” Nino says with a smirk. “Wouldn’t it be good if he had a valid reason to dislike you? Then you could work it out together~”

Sometimes Sho hates Nino too, like seriously, he has way too much fun with shit like this. “I don’t know…” Sho finally says.

“Sakurai-san,” Ohno intervenes earnestly. “It’s only for a few months. You will live together in an apartment huge enough that you won’t even need to see each other if you don’t want to. Separated bathrooms and bedrooms. And in a few months we will stage a break-up.”

“More publicity,” Nino grins. “And don’t worry, we’ll make it in a way that both of you can leave this story with dignity. Something were you can keep your cool image, and Matsumoto his emotional one.”

“Yeah, giving Matsumoto a tear-jerking, touching and melodramatic background story has always worked miracles,” Sho answers bitingly before he can stop himself. 

“He might have heard that too,” Ohno comments with a frown.

Nino rolls his eyes. “I know you don’t like him, but-“

“That’s not it!” Sho huffs, because really, Sho’s feelings are not the problem. He has never disliked Matsumoto. On the contrary he has always wanted to overcome the distance between them. “I never had something against him. But he doesn’t like _me_.”

“Whatever.” Ohno makes a dismissive gesture with his hand. “You are making it difficult for me to convince Jun of this,” he points out. “So just say yes or no without any extra explanation.”

Sho sighs. This just screams catastrophe in all kinds of languages, and he sees himself growing grey hair during the next weeks, but… he wants to give his career a push, he wants to have his real breakthrough, and maybe, maybe, he can find out why that guy hates him so much. They have a lot of work together, it’s only good when they work on their differences. “Only for a few months?” he asks.

Both men nod. 

“Fine,” Sho mumbles, wondering if he’ll regret this. He assumes he will. When he leaves the other two and walks down the corridor, he passes the room where Jun is reading his script, probably for a dorama. Their gazes meet, and Jun just looks away with a deep frown. Oh, Sho is sure, he will regret this. 

 

~~~

 

Jun just says hello shortly, before he non-chalantly kicks a box into the part of the apartment that is his. Nino was right, it is huge, huge enough for them to be able to divide the whole apartment into two, they even have two bathrooms, and two living rooms, they’ll only share the kitchen. Sho swallows nervously. He hasn’t spent much time with Jun up to now, although they did visit the same High School, as usual for upcoming young idols, and now that they are in their ‘30s they still don’t quite get along. He has never done anything to Jun, still the latter seems to despise him. He should probably say something though, anything, they are supposed to play a couple after all! 

Jun however demonstratively closes the door to his living room before Sho has the chance to do a little small-talk. 

He waits for three hours, unpacking his stuff, and distracting himself, but then he can’t ignore the nervous twitching in his stomach anymore. He swallows down the knot in his throat and knocks at the door shyly. “Matsumoto-san?” he asks, and peaks through the door. Jun is sitting on the sofa with a few scripts in front of him.

He doesn’t even look up. “Hm?”

Sho takes a deep breath. “Matsumoto-san, we are supposed to play a couple, don’t you think, we should…” he pauses, what should he say now? Everything he has in mind sounds weird and creepy.

“Practise?” Jun asks, and his voice is dripping with sarcasm. 

Sho blushes. “No, not like that. I didn’t mean…” He shakes his head. “I meant, we could talk a bit to get to know each other?” He has to admit he doesn’t sound too convincing, although he really means it, but it came out… off. So when Jun rolls his eyes, he can’t even be mad at him.

“You’ve been more convincing before.” Jun turns back to his script. “Let me handle the press,” he says calmly. “I know how to act a couple. Just go with the flow.”

“But I don’t know anything about you,” Sho frowns. “How am I supposed to act when they ask me separately about you?”

Jun throws him a glance Sho doesn’t quite understand. He seems to be annoyed, and a little angry and disappointed at once, and Sho just doesn’t get it. “Sakurai-san,” Jun says, stoic as usual. “If you really can’t even lie to find a few things you find interesting about me, then watch a few romance movies and copy lines out of them!” He frowns. “Besides I’m just an annoying diva anyway. So you know _that_ already.” 

Sho winces slightly. So he did hear him. Great. It probably was stupid to say that, and not really nice. Sho chews on his lower lip for a while, wondering what else he could say, but then he assumes that for Jun the talk is over, so he retreats carefully and closes the door behind him. 

 

~~~

 

Sho hates when Nino is right. He seriously does. Because that idiot has this wide and sneaky grin on his face then. Sho’s and Jun’s relationship really went through the media and social networks like a rocket. He has expected to receive a lot of hate, but to his surprise the fact that Jun is supposed to be his counterpart helps. Apparently Jun has a wide LGBT community behind him, much to Sho’s surprise. He has never followed Jun’s work, just knows that he is known for playing convincing love scenes, and doesn’t scare away from pretty straight-forward kissing and sex scenes. 

“He started with indie movies, which is why his career went a different path. It’s why he gets to play these darker roles. And he has played a gay lover once,” his friend Aiba points out. It is basically the only thing he and Jun have in common. Their friendship with Aiba. “He has had a lot of love scenes there, and the LGBT community has a very high opinion of him for playing this role without any stupid remarks and without opposing the kissing and love scenes.”

“So that’s why it had to be me with Matsumoto-san,” Sho muses. It makes more sense now, because his own fan community is a lot more conservative. “I’m surprised that on my own social media account the flaming stays low.”

“People find him hot,” Aiba grins. “I read a few posts. And they say stuff like: Sakurai Sho is straight for sure, but MatsuJun is hot, so he makes an exception for him.” He giggles. 

Sho sighs. “I wished it wouldn’t be necessary. He is so-“

“Ah!” Aiba raises his hands. “Don’t forget I’m your mutual friend. You can talk to me about Jun, but don’t say anything mean.”

Sho chuckles. “Don’t worry, I know. I just wanted to say that he is really so against me like I killed his childhood pet.”

“Maybe you did?” Aiba jokes.

Sho chuckles. “Definitely not. I just wonder if I killed something else instead. Is he normally that distanced or is it just with me?”

Aiba robs around nervously, before he lets out a sigh. “He is distanced with almost everyone, but not as cold as he is towards you. Normally he is really polite,” he finally admits. “Maybe you did something but can’t remember? Didn’t you go to the same school? Did something happen there?”

Sho shrugs. “I can’t remember to be honest. We went to the same school, but I was a bit older – he was always friendly back then. We had to work together for a school festival once.”

Aiba perks up curiously. “And?”

“It was alright.” Sho blinks, remembering these weeks many years ago, when he met Jun for real for the first time and worked together with him. Jun wasn’t distanced like he is now, he was actually nice. “He was all normal and nice towards me, and really cute,” he muses. He really was. Jun was nice. What the hell happened? “I think I need to do some reminiscing,” Sho says.

Aiba laughs. “Yes, maybe!”

“Do you know anything?”

“Unfortunately not,” Aiba says. “Though I’m glad about it, because it means I don’t need to hide anything from you. It’s easier like that.”

Sho can understand that very much. It has to be hard to be his and Jun’s friend at the same time at the moment, since they are living together. And he is sure Jun vents out some anger towards Aiba too. 

However, he has other things to worry about than what Jun tells Aiba or not, because they have a press conference coming up, and he needs to meet with Jun and both of their managers before that. When he arrives at the place for the press conference and heads to the beauty and make-up room, he finds Jun and the other two men there already. Jun looks gloomy, and annoyed, and Sho decides to better not even look at him. 

Ohno however doesn’t seem to mind, he sits next to Jun, chats with him in a low voice, and within only a few minutes Jun’s expression lights up a bit. Sho wonders how Ohno is doing that, how he is able to make Jun warm up so fast. He knows Jun treats everyone – except for Sho – with respect and he knows his co-actors and directors only talk the highest of him, he has tons of friends, but Ohno is surely seeing a side of Jun that’s not always happy. Still he can so easily make him loosen up. 

Nino however is the complete opposite of Ohno. He stares at Sho with wide-opened eyes. “I told you to get some beauty sleep for today! What happened with your hair!?”

Sho sighs. “Nino, I’m normally wearing a mask when I perform. Since when do I need to get some beauty sleep? My fans already know I can look like a complete mess.”

To his surprise he can see how Jun’s lips tug a bit. It’s only a moment and Jun looks away immediately, but Sho is sure he has seen it right. Jun smiled. 

 

~~~

The press conference itself has to be the weirdest thing he has ever experienced, and as a rapper slash singer out of a traditional family and with a rebellious image when he was younger, he has had a few weird press conferences. But this here is a whole new level, because Jun holds his hand, and smiles brightly into the camera, and answers all the questions from the journalists. Here and there he throws loving glances towards Sho, and giggles and blushes. Oh my god, he is so good that Sho feels bad for obviously having underestimated him. That guy is a pro! He needs to watch those love-scene movies with him, and the one where he played a gay lover. Hm, yes~

The fact that Sho feels nervous and a little uncomfortable seems to help because the journalists just assume he is shy. 

Here and there he can feel how Jun gives his hand a squeeze, probably to urge him to say something. Sho is so stunned though that he doesn’t know what to say or do, and when one of the journalists asks him directly how he fell in love with Jun, he is just… at a loss. He is about to stutter something stupid because he just needs to say something or Nino… and Ohno… and Jun… and probably even Aiba will kill him, when Jun winces next to him all of a sudden. He even gasps in pain, and lets go of Sho’s hand, cringing in pain.

“Jun-san?” Sho exclaims in shock, and grabs his arm to steady Jun. “Everything alright? What is it?” He looks which part of his body Jun has clasped now. It’s his sides. “Is it the appendix?” Sho asks in sudden worry, and carefully removes Jun’s hand from his sides, carefully touching the part Jun seems to feel pain at. “It’s okay,” he tries to soothe Jun, and forces him to sit down on one of the seats, eternally thankful that his mother is a doctor and he has learned quite a bit about first aid. 

When he looks up, Jun’s face is flushed and he looks so shy all of a sudden, that nothing in his expression reminds Sho of the Jun he normally interacts with. Jun’s breath evens out, and he takes Sho’s hand to squeeze it. “Thank you, Sho-san,” he says, and much to Sho’s surprise he sounds honest. There is a glance in his eyes he hasn’t seen before. Then however it’s gone and Jun has this professionally in-love-for-the-media look again. He stands up carefully and bows to the press. “I apologize,” he says. “I once broke a few ribs, and it seems I made a wrong movement today and the phantom pain returned. It happens sometimes.”

The melodramatic background. Sho has to hide a grin. It always works. Jun is a pro at it.

 

~~~

“THAT WAS BRILLIANT, MATSUMOTO-SAN!” Nino has that million-dollar look in his eyes, apparently because the press conference turned out to be great and Sho’s spontaneous act of help made everyone believe this whole farce. “The way you pretended to be hurt.”

Jun blushes a bit. “I didn’t mean to lie like that,” he explains. “But I thought I needed to do something so that we come off as more natural.”

Sho pouts, feeling like an idiot for falling for this trick. At the same time he is glad that Jun provoked a reaction from him like that, otherwise the press conference would have turned into a disaster. “What if I hadn’t reacted well? Or didn’t do anything?”

“But you did,” Jun points out calmly. “I didn’t think you would be so heartless not to react when someone next to you faints in pain.”

Sho isn’t sure if that’s supposed to be a compliment now or an insult or just an emotionless comment. He is about to let the whole issue slide and discuss a few issues with Nino, when he sees how Ohno approaches Jun. “Are you sure you are alright?” Ohno whispers quietly but Sho can still hear him. 

Sho blinks in surprise. His mind goes back to the moment when Jun cringed in pain. When Sho looked at him while attending to him, he had this weirdly embarrassed look in his eyes, and he looked so soft and shy all of a sudden. Could that only be an act? The way Jun was smiling and pretending to be in love during the conference was entirely different to that open look he showed him while Sho helped him. What did he tell the press? Phantom pain? When did Jun break his ribs? Was that a lie too?

 

~~~

They drive home together, obviously, because they need to show everyone that they live together. Sho immediately sees a paparazzo close to them, taking a photo, but he pretends he hasn’t seen him. Instead he takes Jun’s hand, and smiles while he opens the door for him. Jun catches on immediately, he even bends forward a bit and places a surprise kiss on Sho’s cheek. 

Here is the headline, Sho thinks, trying not to feel too shocked by Jun’s little innocent kiss. Something inside his stomach flutters slightly, much to his surprise. He almost wishes Jun would always be so nice. 

In the elevator however Jun lets go of Sho’s hand. He doesn’t look at Sho, but this time it doesn’t feel so demonstratively as usual. When they enter their apartment, Jun looks down to the floor, slipping out of his shoes. “Thank you,” he says all of a sudden, and Sho isn’t even sure what he is thanking him for. With that Jun disappears into this living room, giving Sho no chance to say or do something. 

He sighs slightly. It feels weirdly lonely to live with someone who doesn’t want to spend time with him. He has always lived alone since he moved out of his parents’ house at the age of 16, because he chose to become a singer, and sometimes he felt lonely, and alone, but it’s different to living here now, with someone who doesn’t like him. It could have been so nice if they had been friends. They could have laughed about all the weird stuff they needed to do now like pretending to be a couple, they could watch movies together, and eat together. But nothing like that seems possible. On top of that it’s weekend tomorrow, and a weekend spent alone like this sounds just awful. 

However, Sho has no other option than to warm up a cup with instant curry, and eat it in front of the TV while watching the news and working on his newest song. He lacks inspiration a bit though, so he drops it for today and goes to bed early. 

 

~~~

 

Sho hears a scream. 

Loud enough to wake him up from his stone-like sleep. Up to today all his friends make fun of him for sleeping through everything. However the scream apparently was unusual enough to make him jump up. For a moment he has no orientation at all, wondering what happened, where he is and who just screamed. When he hears it again. 

“Jun-san?” Sho calls out and rushes to Jun’s bedroom, scared that someone broke into their apartment and does something to Jun, or that he hurt himself and-

Much to his surprise it’s nothing like that. Jun just lies in his bed, tossing around like he is in pain. Sho is at his side immediately, shaking him slightly. Even though he expected the reaction, he still doesn't react fast enough, and Jun has already slapped him before he can catch his hand. Sho winces at the sudden pain, sure that Jun’s fingernails left traces on his face, but has no time to linger on it, instead he grabs Jun’s hands before the latter can punch him again in his weirdly after-nightmare daze. “Jun-san, calm down,” he starts to talk softly immediately. “It’s me, Sho. You know, the idiot you live together with and don’t like.”

Jun stares at him, and for a moment it seems like he doesn’t even understand who and where he is, then his gaze gets clearer, and he lets out a deep sigh. “I…” he mumbles, but his voice sounds distanced, and Sho assumes he isn’t quite here with him yet. Hence he doesn’t let go of his hands, forcing him to sit up a bit. 

“Jun-san,” he says softly. “You had a bad dream, didn’t you? Or are you hurt?” 

Jun shakes his head slightly. “Nightmare,” he mumbles. “Sorry.”

Sho rubs his arms soothingly, wondering slightly why someone would have such a horrible nightmare. Is that really normal? His gaze shifts to Jun’s left arm. Jun normally wears wristbands around it, as the fashion addict he obviously is, but now he doesn’t, and the sleeve of his pyjama slipped up. Sho’s eyes widen as he sees a dozen of little scars there, some of them already faded into the skin, some angry enough to remain visible. 

Jun startles when he realizes his glance, pulling his arm away immediately, and hiding it under his sleeve. 

Sho is not sure what the hell he is supposed to say now. He decides that it’s probably the best not to address the topic at all. Not now. Instead he needs to make sure that the guy gets something warm to drink, and calm down again. Difficult talks should probably wait until he has made Jun open up to him. “I’m getting you some tea,” he says as casually as possible. Apparently his tactic is successful, because Jun looks at him in surprise. He probably expected curious questions. 

“Tea?” he stutters.

“Yes, I’ll prepare some jasmine tea for you. Just wait here,” Sho smiles, and tugs the blanket around Jun. “You just try to feel comfortable now, okay, Jun-san? I’ll be back in a minute.”

He realizes only when he makes the tea that he has been calling Jun by his first name the whole time, and not only in front of the press. He also realizes that he just thought about making Jun open up to him, much to his own surprise. Does he really want to? Jun hates him, but… at the same time his look today at the press conference and also right now… there is no hate in his eyes. Maybe Aiba is right, and something happened once, and Sho just forgot or doesn’t know. 

Jun touches something inside him. Through their weird little kindergarten-like feud he has always had an eye on him, not realizing that he has watched Jun for almost ten years now. Isn’t it a waste to just fight with him? Sho nods to himself. It is. From now on he will try to become friends with him, and not play along with Jun’s weird moods towards him. 

When he comes back to Jun’s room with the tea, Jun thanks him, and Sho continues calling him Jun-san. Jun doesn’t address it, doesn’t tell him to call him differently. Instead he smiles slightly. Sho nods contently. One step after another. 

“I’m sorry,” Jun says all of a sudden.

“For what?” Sho wants to know and takes the empty cup away from Jun. 

“I hit you, didn’t I? I think I did.”

Sho is inclined to lie to him, and tell him he didn’t, but he can’t… He hates people who lie, and he assumes Jun does too. “You were in shock,” he says with a chuckle. “I knew you would probably react like that. Unfortunately I have the reflexes of an old man.”

Jun reaches out his hand and touches Sho’s cheek softly. “I’m sorry,” he repeats while he turns Sho’s face to look at it. His fingers brush over the lines his nails left there. “I’m so sorry.”

“Nah,” Sho feels weirdly drawn between feeling embarrassed and touched and happy, all emotions he has never felt towards Jun like that before. “You slap like a girl anyway.”

To his joy Jun has to smile at that comment. “Jerk,” Jun answers, but it lacks any bite to be an insult. “Can you…” Jun pauses, apparently not sure how to continue. 

Sho gets it though. “Yeah, your bed is better anyway.” He waits for Jun to rob to the side a bit, so that he can lie down too. “And bigger. Why do you have the better bed? Where the hell did you buy that?”

“Europe,” Jun explains.

“What!? Why? You can buy a bed from Europe and have it shipped here?”

Jun chuckles all of a sudden, and snuggles under the covers. “You really are like an old man. Even more than Ohno-san.” He turns around with a frown. “You don’t snore, do you?”

Sho grins. “Not at all,” he lies.

 

~~~

 

He lets Jun sleep the next day. They are both free, and he wants Jun to relax and be able to sleep well after he obviously wasn’t well last night. He decides to make breakfast for them while Jun is still curled up in his bed. Finally he can use his kitchen and the new cooking book he bought. 

He is a company eater - he loves when people sit next to him and eat with him. Pancakes, ham&eggs, miso soup, egg rolls, rice with vegetables. That’s the plan. Western style and Japanese style breakfast. Perfect for a lazy Saturday morning.

It sounds pretty easy too, to make this stuff.

Or so he thinks…

He doesn’t know for how long he's struggling, but everything that can possibly go wrong does. The rice smells burnt, the eggs don’t thicken, he accidentally forgot to remove the plastic from the ham, and the miso soup tastes like-

“Oh god,” he can hear a voice from behind. “Stop slaughtering your kitchen and take a step back.”

“What?” Sho blinks, sweat sticking to his forehead while he turns around to face Jun.

The latter just rolls his eyes, and grabs his elbow, pulling him aside. 

“But the food,” Sho argues.

“I’ll look after the food,” Jun says firmly. “You set the table. You can do as much, can’t you?”

Sho glares at Jun for this stupid comment, but to his surprise Jun just smirks at him. “Fine,” Sho gives in. “I hope you know what you are doing.”

“Well, no matter if I do or not, it will still be less of a catastrophe than what you did.”

Sho still pouts but when he sees how Jun takes the pan, a spoon and some herbs and handles all the stuff like a magician, he assumes that this guy knows what he is doing. Sho smiles a little. It’s weird. This Jun here doesn’t remind him of the one from last night that almost clung to him and asked him not to leave. Still, it’s also not the same Jun from yesterday and the years before. He is here in his kitchen, deliberately, and helps him to cook. He actually came to look for Sho. 

It’s so surreal. Sho sets the table, while Jun is cooking. Like they are actually friends, like Jun hasn’t been avoid him for years now. Sho frowns deeply, thinking about last night, when Jun screamed and yelled in his sleep, and he came rushing to his help, and found those scars on his forearm. Jun is wearing a wristband now, the only reminder for Sho that he is hiding something. 

Sho wants to ask, but they have breakfast together, and although Jun is a little distanced and indifferent, there is a crack in this stoic and angry façade he normally has around Sho. Sho doesn’t want to destroy it immediately. He is a guy who normally addresses everything directly, but his feeling tells him that in this case he needs to act a lot more sensitive than usual.

He takes a few bites from Jun’s offered breakfast, and squeals in delight. Jun blinks in surprise, and blushes. “You are overreacting,” he stutters.

Sho grins. “Not at all! I want more.”

Jun’s lips tug, and he smiles all of a sudden. It only strikes Sho now that he has never seen Jun smile like this before. He isn’t even sure if he has ever seen him smile at all… He is so beautiful with his face lit up like this. 

Sho blushes at his own thoughts. “Any plans for today?” he asks, to diffuse his embarrassment.

Jun shakes his head. “And you?”

“I have a date with my sofa,” Sho grins. “And my TV. I want to binge-eat fast food and binge-watch TV-series.”

“Hm,” Jun hums. “Mind if a fifth wheel joins the three of you?” he asks, and it comes as such a surprise that Sho has to blink at least twice. But he gets his act together fast.

“I think I and my sofa can live with company,” Sho jokes, and to his joy Jun chuckles lightly. 

Yesterday they were still not getting along, but today, only a few hours later, Sho is surprised to realize that Jun indeed joins him in the living room, first on the sofa chair, until Sho lures him to the huge sofa with some tea and cookies. It seems like Jun is still incredibly wary around him, just that now he is rather quiet and not as prickly and annoyed as before. Was it all just a mask of protection he was wearing all the time? Sho frowns slightly in his thoughts. What did Jun want to protect himself from?

“Hey… Jun-san?”

“Hm?” Jun looks at him shortly before grabbing a handful of popcorn and paying attention to the horror movie again.

“I’m sorry.”

Now Jun blinks. “What for?”

“When Ohno-san and Nino called me for that meeting before our fake-relationship started, I didn’t say many nice things about you.” Sho bites on his tongue when he realizes the intense gaze Jun throws at him. “Okay, I was pretty mean.”

“Well,” Jun mumbles into his popcorn. “You don’t like me, so-“

“But that’s not true,” Sho interrupts him. “That’s why I’m sorry for it. I didn’t mean what I said.”

Jun blinks in confusion. “But you said it.”

“Yes, I did. Because I knew you would be listening, and I don’t know why… maybe I just wanted to get a reaction from you.” Sho blushes slightly. “Like, any reaction. You don’t seem to like me, and at the same time you are so stoic around me, so I kind of got stubborn and wanted to provoke you.”

Jun stares at him in disbelief. “But… why? Why do you even bother? I mean, you could just ignore me, and despise me.”

“But I can’t,” Sho admits, not sure himself what to make of this sentiment and words. When Jun eyes him sceptically, Sho repeats his apology from before. “I’m sorry for saying all this mean stuff. So, can’t we be friends? Maybe?”

Jun’s eyes are wide-opened. “How can I continue to be mad at you when you apologize?” he complains.

“Why are you mad?” Sho wants to know, wondering if he will finally find out about the weird grudge Jun seems to have against him.

“Nothing,” Jun mumbles, and probably lies.

“So?”

“Okay.” Jun smiles shyly. “Let’s try it. And…” he pauses. “Thank you. For last night.”

Sho nods and shrugs at the same time, because he is feeling almost shy all of a sudden, and he hasn’t expected Jun to thank him for being there, and… Sho coughs. “Do you have that often?”

“What?” Jun wants to know although Sho is sure he knows what he wants to ask.

“Sleepless nights. Nightmares,” Sho says straight-forwardly.

Jun gulps, then he shrugs. “Yeah, sometimes.”

“Jun-san, if you need anything,” Sho turns around slightly to touch Jun’s arm, but before he can do so Jun pulls his arm away. “Sorry,” Sho mumbles in confusion. “I didn’t mean to invade your space.”

“No, not at all!” Jun shakes his head wildly. “Sorry, I didn’t expect you to touch me so suddenly. It was just… an instinctive reaction.”

Sho is almost inclined to ask: an instinctive reaction for what? But he can stop himself just in time, pretty sure that Jun would jump into his face or close up completely if he says something like this. Instead he smiles. “If you need something, tell me,” he says, and twinkles. “After all I’m your boyfriend~”

It finally draws a smile from Jun. He chuckles, and leans against his pillow again. “I didn’t think you would be nice,” he muses. “Almost reminds me of the time when we were in High School.”

Sho frowns slightly. So, Jun liked him back then? He didn’t hate him at that time? What happened to make him change his opinion about him? “I don’t know why and how and when, but I can only tell you that I never wanted to hurt you,” he says carefully, not even sure what he is explaining himself for. “I… don’t know what happened.”

Jun is quiet for a long while, but then, almost when Sho expects him not to answer anymore, he shifts slightly. “You don’t need to apologize,” he says quietly. “I need to accept that it’s not your fault. What happened is not your fault, you didn’t even know.”

“What happened?” Sho wants to know, feeling like he is so close to the truth than never before.

But this time Jun doesn’t answer. He has probably opened up more than he wanted to. “Are we going to order in some food in?” he asks instead. 

Sho bites on his tongue not to ask anything else or to complain about the change of subject. Instead he nods, and takes his phone. “Anything special you want?” He grins. “There are so many restaurants around. I don’t even know where to start.”

Jun beams all of a sudden. “Why don’t we order food from all of them, to see which one of them is good?”

A soft smile curls around Sho’s lips at the sudden unexpected excitement he was presented with. He can’t possibly say no now, can he? “Well, then,” he smirks. “Let’s rate the take-aways and delivery shops in our area then. Pizza, sushi, Chinese and classic Japanese food?” he asks.

“And the burger shop,” Jun points out with a wide smile. “Oh, and I saw that one of the dessert shops is also delivering.”

“Fine,” Sho chuckles in amusement. “Let’s call them all.”

It was a good decision, he thinks, when the food is delivered, and they are surrounded by all the boxes, crunching and chewing on all the stuff they ordered, and rating the food and the delivery boys… because Jun is in such a good mood that Sho is sure he has never seen him like that before. 

They watch a pointless horror-teenage-movie which is ridiculous. It’s two hours later though when Jun slips back into his old slightly detached mood. They watch a new movie, and Sho is surprised that Jun stars in it. “One of your movies!?” he asks in excitement. 

Jun blushes. “Let’s rather watch something else.”

“No way,” Sho argues. “You are doing a great job. I want to see it.”

He grins a bit when he sees how Jun is obviously embarrassed about his compliment. His amusement grows when there is a love scene between Jun and the female lead, and Jun almost hides behind his blanket. 

Sho laughs, and Jun kicks him, increasing his laugh. At one point Jun’s lips tug into a smile. “You are so silly, Sho-san. I didn’t know you are like that. You were so serious as a teenager.”

“Hm,” Sho hums. “While you were so cheerful back then, and turned serious later on.” He looks at Jun thoughtfully, hoping that Jun won’t take his words wrong. “You should smile more, Jun-san,” Sho says softly. “You are sparkling when you do.”

Jun’s lips quiver. “Smiling became really difficult for me,” he answers honestly. 

Sho doesn’t quite understand it, but he bends forward and touches Jun’s cheek softly, glad that the other doesn’t move away again. “Then I’ll help you to learn it again.”

Jun looks away from him. “I wonder,” he says with a bitter tone in his voice. “If out of all you can do that.”

Sho is surprised by that, but doesn’t dare to invade further into Jun’s privacy.

 

~~~

 

“Hm.” Nino tilts his head, a frown gracing his pretty face. He and Sho met for a drink and a quick dinner after work. In these moments Nino is rather his friend than his manager. Sho hasn’t told him everything, just that he thinks that Jun might have had a traumatic incident in his past. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Sho says quietly. “I’m sure of it. I just don’t understand what it is, and why it is like that. But I can trust my feeling here, I know it.”

“You do know that once you dig into the past, you might not like what you find, right?” Nino asks earnestly. “You might find things about him and you, and about others, and maybe you wish you wouldn’t know it.”

“Maybe,” Sho says calmly. “But not knowing means I can’t help him. So, it’s not an option.”

Nino raises his eyebrows. “Help him? Since when do you want to help Matsumoto-kun?. You never liked him.”

“I always did!” Sho says with emphasis, surprised by his own words. Yes, he nods to himself, he has always liked him. He has always felt drawn to those deep eyes of Jun, to the way he treated his friends, to his smile… just that Jun’s grudge got into his way, so that he has never dared to even talk to Jun. “I always did,” he repeats quietly. 

“Yes,” Nino says quietly. “Maybe you did.”

“Can’t you ask Ohno-san?”

“Ohno is very closed,” Nino explains. “And he keeps the folders and documents of his artists strictly hidden away. He would never tell me anything.”

“Is there anyone else I could ask?” Sho wants to know.

“Why don’t you ask one of his old friends?” Nino suggests. “Didn’t he have one very close school-friend?”

“Hm.” Sho tries to remember. “I think he was pretty close to Oguri-san.”

“Ah, right. The independent artist,” Nino muses. “They used to be good friends.”

“And now they aren’t anymore?”

“I think Matsumoto-san hasn’t been friends with anyone for a long time,” Nino points out. 

“I’m not sure.” Sho shakes his head. “It’s one thing to talk to you or Ohno-san, but I don’t want to breach his trust, and just calling one of his friends… I…”

Nino smiles softly. “I understand that you don’t want to pry on him…” He nods, before his eyes light up a bit. “Isn’t the anniversary celebration of your school soon?” Nino asks. “You didn’t want to go, but maybe you should?”

Yes… maybe…

 

~~~

Sho comes home late, the apartment is dark already, so he assumes Jun already went to bed. His eyes lighten up in surprise and joy though when he finds a plate in the kitchen with sushi and egg rolls. _In case you are hungry. Leftovers. Jun._

Sho chuckles happily, feeling a bit silly, but he can’t help to notice his stomach jumping slightly and his heart making a careful jump. Jun cooked for him. Okay, maybe he didn’t cook specifically for him, but he did cook… and thought of him and put some of it aside for him.

Of course he eats it all. There is no way he would decline Jun’s food. When he goes to bed he feels a little fuzzy and smiley, drifting to sleep swiftly only to be awaken three hours later. There is noise coming from the apartment. It seems like something is breaking, a vase maybe. Sho jumps out of his bed immediately, hurrying through the corridor and towards Jun’s bedroom. It’s empty much to his surprise, but it seems like Jun just got out of his bed. 

His heart beats faster when he pats through the corridor and towards Jun’s bathroom. He isn’t sure why he feels so nervous and worried all of a sudden. He opens the door carefully, only to be confronted with a picture of Jun, only dressed in short black pyjama pants, sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Blood is dripping down his fingers.

“Jun…” Sho mumbles. 

Jun spins around in shock, apparently so much taken aback that he drops into the full bathtub accidentally. Sho is at his side immediately, helping him out of it. “You!” Jun huffs in anger. “Why didn’t you knock!?”

Sho ignores his anger completely, pretty sure that Jun just wants to push him away right now anyway. He grabs Jun’s hands instead, and turns it around to check on it. There is a cut on his palm that goes all the way to his wrist. “Don’t do that,” Sho says earnestly. “And grabs a huge towel to throw it around Jun’s wet body first, before he takes a smaller one and wraps it around his arm.

“It’s not like that,” Jun stutters, narrowing his eyes all of a sudden.

“How is it then?” Sho wants to know firmly.

“Why do you even want to know!?” Jun huffs in sudden anger. “Why do you even care? You never cared. It’s all your fault anyway!! You are the reason. You…” His voice trails off, and Sho tries to regather his senses, shocked from what he just heard. What the hell did he ever do to Jun? 

“Jun-san,” he says softly but with insistence. “I don’t understand what I did to you, and I wish I knew so that I can apologize. But no matter what. I won’t let you hurt yourself!”

Jun looks tired all of a sudden. Maybe he hoped that Sho would be drawn back by his words and leave. “I didn’t… not with intention. I mean…you know…” He sighs slightly.

“What happened?” Sho wants to know.

“I couldn’t sleep. Again.” Jun looks away. “I hardly sleep anyways, but recently I can’t even rest for two or three hours. I got so annoyed that I got up and decided to take a bath instead. When I saw my reflection in the mirror, I suddenly got mad at myself and punched it. I didn’t realize that I was hitting a mirror. That’s how…”

Sho blinks, slightly surprised by the explanation. He looks Jun into his eyes, and sees no lie there. “Stupid boy,” he scolds slightly. 

“I’m not a boy,” Jun argues half-heartedly.

Sho smiles slightly. “Just dry yourself up and put some clothes on, and then let’s meet in my living room.”

Jun nods meekly. 

When Sho switches on the lights of the living room and starts to prepare some hot chocolate, he wonders when the hell he actually learned how to handle Jun, and since when he feels actually good and warm and fuzzy while he does so. And what Jun meant when he said it’s Sho’s fault. 

He has not much time to linger on his thoughts though, because Jun only takes a few minutes to join him. His hair is still wet, and Sho takes the towel out of his hand to rub it dry. Jun looks a bit like a lost puppy when he is finished. His eyes are red, either from the lack of sleep or maybe he cried. Sho isn’t sure. And his face is almost ashen. Sho takes his hand and leads him to the sofa, forces him to sit down before he hands him the cup with hot chocolate.

“I’m not five,” Jun argues, but a small smile curls around his lips.

“One is never too old for hot chocolate,” Sho intervenes, noticing with relief that Jun’s face gets back some colour after he took a few sips. Meanwhile Sho attends to the cut on Jun’s arm, disinfecting it first while noticing the already healed cuts on Jun’s arm once more. He touches one of the thicker ones with his finger. 

Jun winces, but Sho doesn’t let him tug his arm free. “Don’t look at it,” Jun huffs. “It’s ugly.”

“It is not,” Sho says quietly. “It’s not like I understand this here or why you did it, but don’t call yourself or anything about you ugly. Ever.” He trails another scar carefully, realizing with relief that all of them have to be older already. “You are not doing it anymore, are you?”

Jun shakes his head.

“Promise? Because I never want to see you cutting yourself.”

Jun’s lips tug into a sad smile. “I’m not that person anymore. I was, until Satoshi-san found me and helped me out of this horror. I’m not going to hurt myself anymore.”

“But you still have nightmares?” Sho asks carefully.

Jun nods.

“Since when can’t you sleep properly?” 

“Years,” Jun answers honestly. “I had to take pills for a few years, and they helped me. But I didn’t want to rely on them anymore. A few months ago I stopped taking them. I talked to Satoshi and my doctor about it before, so don’t worry.”

“And it’s my fault?” Sho wants to know.

Jun blushes slightly. “Not really,” he admits quietly. “But I used to blame you for years. I always knew it’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just… needed someone to blame, I guess.”

Sho sighs, his thumb brushing over Jun’s wrist softly. Then he pulls his hand up and places a careful kiss on Jun’s wrist. Jun doesn’t pull his arm away, instead he bites down on his lips, watching Sho with a curious and nervous glance. “You…” he mumbles. “Why now?”

“What do you mean?” Sho asks carefully. 

“Are you hitting on me?”

“Maybe,” Sho admits quietly. 

“Why now? Why did you dump me before?”

Sho stares at Jun dumbfounded. “Dump you? When did you confess to me?” he asks in surprise. “I never had the chance to dump you.”

Jun blinks. “But the letter I sent you when we were in school.”

“Jun-san,” Sho say earnestly, finally starting to understand some of the problems Jun was having with him. “I never received a letter. Never. I swear by everything that means something to me that I haven’t.”

“But…”

“Jun,” Sho says with insistence. “Look into my eyes. Do you believe I’m lying? It’s the truth. I never received a letter from you.”

Almost all colour gets drained from Jun’s face. For a moment he just stares at Sho in utter shock, then much to Sho’s surprise he starts crying. Thick teardrops run down his cheeks, his body shivering. Sho looks at him helplessly. All he can do during this breakdown, it seems, is to hold his hand.

 

~~~

 

They have to make a red carpet appearance together. It’s still a bit awkward between them, but it’s a new kind of awkward, and Sho can handle that one a lot better than the awkward anger between them throughout the years. He holds Jun’s hand while they pass the press. There are questions over questions raining down on them. 

“Matsumoto-san, you are looking tired!” “Sakurai-san, how does it feel to share an apartment?” Matsumoto-san here, Sakurai-san there. 

Sho sighs, feeling how the whole fuss drains quite some energy from them. He turns around with a polite but firm smile. “Please,” he says calmly. “Jun-san just had a small infection. I ask you to be lenient with us.”

“Such an attentive partner,” one of the journalists says. “You really seem to be in love with him.”

“Well,” Sho smiles slightly, and looks at Jun out of the corner of his eyes. “It’s because I am.”

Jun looks a bit surprised at first, then he smiles carefully. 

 

~~~

 

Jun doesn’t join him for the school anniversary. “Last place I want to go,” he jokes. His mood is getting better recently, and he joins Sho whenever they are free. He has not answered to Sho’s confession up to now, but Sho assumes he needs some time to be able to voice his feelings.

When he gets to the anniversary, he is greeted by lots of known faces. Faces that look familiar but have grown over the last years. He chats with old classmates, laughs with them about how he used to have blonde hair, gets updated on interesting news like marriages and kids, sees tons of photos of little toddlers, and even meets one of his old girlfriends again. It’s only at the buffet that he meets the man he almost forgot about over the last weeks. “Sakurai-kun,” the dark-haired guy smiles at him. He has an edgy face but soft eyes. 

“Oguri-kun?” Sho blinks, frowning slightly. Then he nods. It’s Oguri. 

“Call me Shun,” the man laughs. “It feels weird to be called so formally by my old classmates.” He looks around a bit. “Did Jun-kun not come?” he asks, almost a bit disappointed.

Also a question Sho got confronted with a few times already. “Well, he doesn’t feel too well recently,” he explains. 

“But you two are happy, aren’t you?” Shun wants to know.

Sho smiles. “I’m giving my best to make him happy.”

Shun nods, looking almost a bit sad. “I couldn’t back then,” he starts blabbing without Sho even prompting him. “I wanted to. I really liked him, but he only had eyes for you. And then one day, he wanted to confess to you. But when I saw him a few days later, he was a completely different person. He didn’t talk to me anymore, he didn’t even smile, just got easily irritated. And whenever I accidentally touched him, he freaked out.” Shun sighs. “I still don’t get it.”

“Shun-san,” Sho smiles reassuringly, basically to make him feel better. What he just heard is indeed unsettling. “Jun was going through a difficult time back then. It wasn’t your fault. I promise.”

Shun’s face lights up a bit. “Are you sure?”

“Hundred percent certain!” Sho is about to say more, but he gets interrupted by a few ahs and ohs, coming from the classmates at the door. When he looks in said direction, he feels speechless for a moment. Jun? It’s indeed him. He has switched into a pair of tight dark trousers and a silk white shirt and a fashionable blazer, suiting his usual sexy image. 

He smiles politely at their old classmates, before he joins Sho at the buffet. “Sorry I’m late,” he says casually. 

“Are you feeling better?” Shun asks happily.

“Yes,” Jun smiles. “And I didn’t want Sho-san to suffer alone.” He smiles at Shun. “It’s nice to meet you again, Shun-kun. I hope you are doing well?“

Shun beams happily, and Sho chuckles. He squeezes Jun’s hand and kisses his cheek, mainly to mark his territory before anyone could get stupid ideas. Jun blushes slightly, but keeps his cool. Then Sho leaves them alone, wanting to give the two some time to catch up with each other.

 

~~~

 

At the way back to their apartment Jun doesn’t talk to him though. He looks almost mad. “Jun,” Sho asks, grabbing his arm when they leave the elevator to their apartment. Jun spins around in anger. 

“You!” he huffs. “You jerk!”

“What now?” Sho asks calmly. 

Apparently his calm approach took the wind out of Jun’s sails. “I heard you talked with Ninomiya about me!” Jun huffs. “And probably also with Shun!”

“Yes, I did.” Sho admits. “A few weeks ago, before I found you in the bathroom. I talked to Nino, to my friend Nino, and asked him if he knew why you were so mad at me and that I had the feeling that something bad happened to you in the past. I needed to talk to a friend.”

Jun tilts his head, frowning a bit. Sho takes the moment of calmness to lead him to their apartment and close the door behind them to save them from prying eyes and ears. 

“Jun-san, I was just worried,” he admits. “And I was too scared to ask you personally. Nino suggested I could talk to Shun, but I didn’t want to. At the party it was Shun who approached me and wanted to know if you would come. He talked to me. I didn’t ask him anything.”

“What did he say?” Jun wants to know.

“That you wanted to confess to me. But afterwards you were a different person. Shun thought it was his fault. He liked you back then,” Sho explains. 

“He did?” Jun wants to know quietly.

Sho nods.

Jun shifts around nervously, then he sighs. “Never talk to someone about me again!” he demands with authority. 

Sho has to smile. “But when you are my boyfriend, I’ll sometimes need to consult with a friend,” he points out. “You are going to be tons of work after all.”

Jun throws his shoe in Sho’s direction, and Sho dodges it with a grin. Then he approaches Jun, and brushes his hands over his arms. “Jun, I didn’t mean to hurt you or to misuse your trust. I will never tell someone anything private about you. But sometimes I will need to talk to a friend and ask him for advice. Even if it might just be for a small thing like a birthday present or an interesting new sex technique.” 

Jun chuckles slightly. “Okay,” he gives in. 

“Okay?” Sho asks, and squeezes Jun’s hands. “Is this the answer to my confession?”

Jun blushes a bit. “You are the only person anyways who would confess in front of the press.” He raises his hands, brushing over Sho’s cheeks. “I wished my letter would have reached you back then. I wished all the things afterwards didn’t happen.”

“Jun,” Sho puts his hands on Jun’s, squeezing them while they continue to move over Sho’s face. “I don’t know what happened. But I’m glad that life made us meet again, work together, even though you hated me at first, and that it finally led you into my arms.” 

Jun smiles. “You love me?”

“Yes, I love you.”

“Good.” Jun smiles. “Because I love you too. Always did.” 

Sho leans closer, his nose brushing over Jun’s. “Will you tell me what happened?”

Jun nods. “You won’t judge me?”

“Never.”

“I sent the letter to you, but then another guy got it. He met me at the place I wanted to meet you. He said you threw the letter away. I was so shocked.” Jun swallows visibly. 

Sho’s eyes widen. “He forced himself on you?”

“Kind of,” Jun admits. “He blackmailed me with it. And so, I slept with him. It only went on for a few weeks though, I was lucky I assume. I met Satoshi and he saved me. I don’t even know how he did it, but he did, so I don’t question what he did to make the guy go away.”

“So that’s why,” Sho mumbles. “Why you hated me all the time. Jun… I never… I mean, I didn’t even receive your letter. I never threw it away.”

Jun smiles slightly and buries his head in Sho’s neck. “I know. I blamed you because I needed someone to blame. I was so angry, at everything, all the time. I didn’t like myself much at that time. At one point I started to search pointless sex partners and love affairs. I thought if I went for random sex, I would maybe like myself again, because others found me appealing, but of course it didn’t work like that. My job helped me a bit though, I learned to accept myself again.”

“And the press conference? The phantom pain?”

“That’s partly true,” Jun explains. “Sometimes I suffer from it because right before I left the guy beat me up. But during the conference I exaggerated of course.”

“Are you sure you are ready to let me into your life?” Sho wants to know, almost dreading to know the answer.

Jun smiles nervously all of a sudden. “Why, do you want to leave?” he teases.

Sho grins. “I have no intention to leave.” He lets go of Jun’s hands, allowing them to roam over his body, while he holds Jun’s hips. He isn’t too sure what to do now, and if it’s okay to kiss Jun, if it would feel too rushed if he did. But to his relief Jun knows what he wants, bending forward to capture Sho’s lips. They feel warm, and soft, and taste slightly like lemon balm.

Sho smiles against Jun’s lips. “My sweet Jun.”

Jun chuckles. “My silly Sho,” he jokes.

Sho laughs, and wraps his arms around Jun tighter, pulling him closer. Jun opens his lips slightly, allowing Sho’s tongue to enter. 

 

~~~

 

When Sho wakes up the next morning, Jun is lying next to him. They didn’t sleep with each other, but they both wanted to sleep next to each other. Sho takes his phone sleepily, just to be greeted by approximately twenty missed calls from Nino, and tons of messages. His eyes snap open in horror. What the hell happened? 

Jun stirs slightly, blinking a bit. He smiles at Sho, but soon his smile freezes. “What happened?”

“I have no idea!” Sho breathes out. “But I received tons of calls from Nino.”

Jun sits up immediately, taking his phone. “And I from Satoshi.” His eyes widen when he goes through the messages. “No, no, nonononononono.” He jumps out of the bed, and hurries to Sho’s computer. “Can I use it?”

“Sure,” Sho says, following him, not sure what Jun is looking for. Once Jun has opened twitter and the news feed for stars and idols, he sees it immediately. _Actor and model Matsumoto Jun victim of sexual violence in his youth?_

_Did someone take advantage of him?_

There are so many suggestive words and speculations flying around that Sho’s head starts spinning. He closes the laptop before Jun can read it all. His head feels dizzy. How the hell did the press find out? “I’m going to call Nino immediately,” he says. “Jun,” he says softly when Jun doesn’t react. “We are going to solve this. I’m here for you.”

Nino however can’t tell him much, just that apparently a journalist found an old year book of Jun, and investigated a bit, and heard of a few rumours. “They are only speculating,” he tells Sho. “They see him as a victim, so it won’t harm his reputation. Rather on the contrary – don’t tell him – but, as you said it yourself once, the slightly dramatic aura has always worked well for him. His popularity will definitely rise through this. But it will be hard for him to face all the journalists now.”

When Sho hangs up, he turns to a still frozen Jun. He touches his shoulder softly. “Jun,” he says, and wraps his arms around his neck from behind, his chin resting on Jun’s head. “Breakfast,” he continues. “Now. You need to get something edible in your system.”

“How can you be so calm?” Jun huffs, sudden anger flashing in his eyes.

“I am not,” Sho tells him, well aware that Jun’s anger isn’t directed at him, but rather at the world. He is just the only one there right now. “But you are more important than my anger. So, I’m keeping it inside me for now.”

“Really?” Jun asks quietly. 

“Yes, I’ll definitely find out who blabbed and then I’ll find him and break-“

“No, you won’t,” Jun says much to Sho’s surprise. “Violence leads to more violence. And threats will lead to new threats.”

“But-“

“I’m not as weak as I was before,” Jun says, his fists clenching. “I’ll learn how to handle it.”

“Wait here,” Sho tells him and hurries to a little bag in the corner of his wardrobe. There is a small box inside. He hands it to Jun. 

“Eh.” Jun blinks nervously. “I-“

“No, no,” Sho chuckles. “I would never ask you to commit to me through a marriage in such a situation. I know it would be too much pressure on you. This is something else.” He feels how his cheeks heat up. “A present I wanted to give you.”

Jun looks at him curiously, opening the box. It’s a dreamcatcher. A golden one with little diamonds. “Sho…” Jun stutters.

“I want you to always sleep well. I want to help you to get back all those peaceful moments you lost years ago.” He pauses. “You’ll let me be at your side, won’t you?” Sho asks. “I won’t accept you locking me out, you know?”

“I know.” Jun lips quiver. Sho hugs him tighter, his hands rubbing over his arms. He feels how Jun is shaking. He has wrapped his fingers around the item tightly.

“I won’t let you go through it alone,” he says softly. “I promise.”

 

~~~

 

Sho provides Aiba, Ohno and Nino with coffee, surprised when all three of them appeared out of nowhere and visited them. Apparently Aiba wanted to check on them, and the other two wanted to talk about the next steps to take. 

Jun has calmed down a bit, but sometimes he secretly angles for Sho’s hand, and Sho squeezes it reassuringly. 

After a while it’s Ohno who leans back and looks at Jun thoughtfully “Jun,” he says calmly. “Why don’t you use this story to your advantage?”

“Are you nuts!?” Jun huffs angrily. “Satoshi, what are you thinking!? That I want to gain popularity by selling my own past to the press. That I-“

Sho puts his hand on Jun’s arm to calm him down. “I’m sure he meant something else,” he says, and Ohno nods.

“Sakurai-kun is right. What I meant is: It’s out in the open anyway. Why don’t you make something productive out of it? You could basically make a campaign out of it to help other victims, you can raise the publics’ sensitivity to certain topics. What you reveal about your story is your decision.”

Jun swallows. “I could help others?”

“Yes.”

Jun bites down on his lips. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough.”

Ohno smiles. “You are.”

“The other problem though is,” Nino muses. “What were are going to do with the both of you. We were supposed to stage the breakup soon, but with recent happenings it’s-“

“Forget it,” Sho huffs immediately, snatching Jun’s hand. “I have no intention to stage a break-up anyway.”

To his surprise Jun chuckles slightly. “Sho-kun is very possessive,” he says with a casual smile. 

Ohno and Nino exchange a look, while Aiba grins. “I knew you would make a nice couple,” he points out. “I always said you should try it.”

“Not to me,” Sho says.

“But to Jun,” Aiba intervenes.

Sho raises his eyebrows, looking at Jun. Jun however just blushes. “So what?” he stutters. “You said yourself that sometimes one needs to talk with a friend.” He pauses, eyeing Sho carefully. “Are you mad?”

“Very.” Sho grins. “I would love to punish you for it~”

Jun smacks him and chuckles. His eyes light up again, and Sho is happy to see him smile. “Idiot,” he says softly.

“Could you stop making suggestive jokes,” Nino complains, but it’s only a half-hearted complaint because he twinkles suggestively at Sho and even shows him a secret thumbs up. Meanwhile Ohno and Jun exchange a glance. Sho doesn’t quite understand what it means, but it seems Ohno is content with what he sees in Jun’s eyes.

“But it is quite convenient that it turned out like this,” Aiba points out. “No one needs to pretend a break-up or anything. And no one needs to give a press conference that they are together. Because… you guys already did. Isn’t it great that it doesn’t need to change?”

“I find it great,” Sho answers with a smile. “Jun’s my own little universe.”

“God,” Jun groans, hiding his face behind his hands. “Could you stop being so cheesy? I’m getting a sugar shock.”

“You are too skinny anyways,” Sho teases.

Ohno grins. 

 

~~~

 

It seems that the whole meeting and their talk, and maybe also Sho himself, have given Jun the push he just was waiting for, because he holds a press conference only two days later together with Sho. He dashes forward, and with a straight face he tells everyone a few pieces of his past, his voice shaking sometimes and he looks sad, and Sho knows that the fangirls and boys will basically make screenshots of this face of his to squeal over it and be all over-protective. Nino is right, the rather dramatic approach works well for Jun. Now only Sho needs to find a way how he can combine his rebellious image with his now caring one. But he assumes the way he holds Jun’s hand and glares at the journalists at the same time, might just be the right middle way, because Nino just grins at him from the side, and nods. When Nino isn’t complaining, it’s a good sign.

Then Jun announces a new project to raise awareness for children, women and men who suffer from violence or sexual abuse. He plans to do a documentary in cooperation with a doctor, a therapist, two victims, a police officer and a lawyer. His strategy seems to work well, because his straight-forward approach takes the wind out of everyone’s sails. 

“How are you feeling?” Sho asks when they are preparing dinner together, and Jun doesn’t throw him out of the kitchen when he wants to help.

Jun tilts his head. “Better than yesterday?” he offers.

Sho smiles softly. “That’s a step forward. And tomorrow it will be better than today.”

“What if there are days that will be worse?” Jun asks, looking at Sho nervously. “I mean, what will it mean for us? You know how prickly I can be, and how my temper can be bad when I’m confused, and-“

“Jun,” Sho says softly, puts the knife aside and grabs Jun’s hips instead to turn him around. “Stop doubting us, okay? Because you will need a lot – A LOT – more than a few moody days to get me out of your life, okay? I’m going to stick to your butt from now on, just so you know.”

“To my butt?” Jun asks, and pulls an eyebrow up. He dries his hands with his apron and takes it off, before he brushes through Sho’s hair. His eyes flicker slightly. “I would love to have you stick to it.”

“When?” Sho asks innocently, smirking when Jun bends down to kiss him.

“How about now?”

“But Matsumoto-san!” Sho complains teasingly. “The food! We can’t do it in the kitchen!”

“You are so silly.” Jun giggles, and it’s such a cute sound and it makes Sho so happy that it was him who made Jun produce it, that he wraps his arms around Jun’s waist to pull him closer. Then he surges forward and kisses him hungrily. Sho spins them around so that Jun is the one leaning against the wall now, happy that it makes him a few centimetres smaller and that Sho can cup his chin and raise his head a little to make him look at him.

“Jun,” Sho mumbles breathlessly. “May I take you to bed now?”

Jun blinks, before he chuckles and leans his forehead against Sho’s neck. “I love being romantic and all, but you have to do something against those cheesy lines,” he complains. 

“I can’t help it.” Sho nibbles at Jun’s cheekbones. “You will inspire at least the next twenty songs I write.”

“Awesome…” Jun grumbles, but his eyes light up at Sho’s promise, and Sho is sure that it won’t only be twenty songs Jun will inspire him to write.

He leans forward to kiss Jun again, softer this time, but soon they pick up their pace, their tongues fighting for dominance, until Sho takes Jun’s hand to tug him towards his bedroom. They don’t stop kissing, sometimes stumbling over something, and Jun half-heartedly complains about the mess in Sho’s room, only to be shut up by Sho’s mouth again. 

Sometimes the turns of events in life are weird, Sho thinks, when he feels Jun’s arms around his neck, and his body moving beneath him, strings of electric joy jolting through his body whenever Jun touches him. A few months ago he still kept his distance from Jun, angry that Jun was always so angry with him, annoyed that Jun was annoyed, and yet not able to turn his glance away from him. All they needed to find each other was a stupid publicity stunt from their management. Sho is glad that he didn’t chicken out of Nino’s and Ohno’s plan back then, that he didn’t decline because he was scared to face Jun and his weird attitude towards Sho. He is glad that he went with his guts and gave it a try. He is beyond thankful that he wasn’t a coward and didn’t run away.

Jun grabs his face. “Apparently you are bored,” he says, a dangerous smirk on his face. 

“No,” Sho stutters, and blushes. “I was just thinking how surreal this is and how thankful I am that I grasped the chance to live with you, and-“

“You talk too much,” Jun teases, and spins them around, so that he sits on top of Sho. “I like your attention to be on me fully,” he smirks, and it sends a shiver of want down Sho’s spine. Jun entangles their fingers, pushing himself up a bit, and carefully lowers himself on Sho’s erection. Sho’s eyes grow wide. Just when he thought it couldn’t get any better, Jun rides him.

“You are full of surprises, my sweet Jun,” he says while he grabs Jun’s hips to help him remain uptight. “I hope there are more to come.”

“Hm,” Jun hums. “Just wait and see.”

It goes without saying that this night they make love to each other at least thrice. And it goes without saying that Jun decides to sleep in Sho’s bedroom from now on. Sho notices that the charm he gave him – the dreamcatcher – is dangling from Jun’s keys. Always next to him. They just decide to swatch their beds, because Jun’s super special bed is just too comfortable for Sho to ignore it. 

“I think I might sleep well tonight,” Jun muses tiredly, entangling his fingers with Sho’s while they are lying side to side, looking at each other.

“Ah, I know I’m good,” Sho jokes. “Didn’t know I would be THAT good though.”

Jun chuckles. It’s not what he meant, Sho knows that, Jun knows that, still Jun smiles. “You are that good though. Just…” He frowns slightly. “You are not going to write me a message tomorrow and thank me for the _wonderful night_. Are you?”

“I’m not?” Sho asks in surprise, not able to hold back the disappointed tone in his voice. He wanted to do exactly that. “How about a poem instead?” he asks hopefully.

Jun frowns, and it makes Sho squeal inwardly at how cute he looks. “If you do, I’ll reply with the filthiest message ever.”

Sho’s head perks up. “Really?” he asks interested.

Jun’s frown increases. “Or I won’t reply at all!” he threatens, and turns over to hide underneath the blanket.

Sho grabs the item and tugs at it, half lying on Jun now. “You are going to reply, right?” he insists to know. “Right? Please reply…” he begs, biting into Jun’s earlobe softly.

At one point Jun has to laugh. “You idiot, you haven’t even written it yet!” 

“But what will you answer?”

Jun closes his eyes tightly. “Go to sleep, Sho-san.”

Sho frowns, before a thought crosses his mind again. “I think,” he muses, his hand brushing over Jun’s chest, downwards. “I need to mark my territory again~”

Jun’s eyes snap open. “How can you go from cheesy to weird in a few seconds?”

“Oh, I can go a lot more directions,” Sho says in the most seductive voice he is capable of. “Wanna see?”

“Hm,” Jun grins and turns around again. He pecks Sho’s nose. “Show it to me all,” he says, and Sho knows he means a lot more than only sex. His heart makes a happy jump. 

In the end they are too tired to do it a fourth time, but Sho keeps Jun’s words in his mind. There is always a tomorrow after all.


End file.
